An Open Letter to Bill Maher

Current mood: argumentative

Dear Bill Maher,

The other night I was fortunate enough to see your one-man Broadway show, on HBO. Although I greatly respect and admire you and many of the things you believe and say, I feel moved to argue on behalf of womankind when you complain of "the feminization of America". As I understand it, your main points are: 1) Humankind would not have survived thus far had it not been for "men being men" 2) Due to women being over-sensitive, men can no longer behave in their "men being men" fashion, therefore weakening our country and turning men into "wusses" (that's not the actual word you used, but I don't believe in using women's body parts as a perjorative.) 3) You also stated that "women are supposedly more evolved than men" (and then joked that, if that were true, why are women so enthralled with shiny objects?). So, here's what I think:

None of us today were present when early humanity rose from the muck and stood erect, but scientists (most of them male, by the way) are piecing together as best they can exactly what is true and not true about ancient mankind, and admitting that women played the major role in the furthering of our species. Recently, it has come to light that there was much more "gathering" and much less "hunting" than was first imagined. As we know, women were the gatherers, non-violently providing the vast bulk of food needed for the tribe. When the men did manage to hunt, it was the women who gutted, skinned, cleaned, cooked, and served the animal. Afterward, it was the woman who fashioned the skin into warm clothing and bedding, used the bones for tools, etc. As much as I personally find most vegetarians to be annoying, even I must admit that a meat-free diet is healthier for human beings, and that we can get all of our nutritional needs met with vegetable protein. The women of the tribe provided far more of this sustenance for the tribe than the men did. Therefore, it was women being women, not men being men, that aided our first ancestors to thrive.

That's all well and good, you may say, but what about protecting the women and children from danger? If men hadn't been men, humanity would have been just so much raptor food. Bill, scientists pretty much have proven that human beings and dinosaurs never existed concurrently. It wasn't Fred Flintstone braining T-Rex while Wilma and Pebbles looked on adoringly. Therefore, killer instinct and upper-body development in order to bring huge beasts to their knees weren't really necessary for the survival of our species. What of smaller beasts, then? What of that stray snaggle-toothed tiger or wooly mammoth? Well, wooly mammoths are herbivores, so they posed no eat-or-be-eaten threat to humanity. As for a snaggle-tooth...haven't you ever heard of the supernatural strength that women have when their families are in jeopardy?

I have no doubt that ancient woman could and did protect herself and her progeny from bestial predators by using the survival skills she was blessed with...no man necessary. So, looking at it dispassionately, what was humanity's greatest threat? Other men, Bill! So, your supposition that "men being men" has been the cause of the survival of our species is wrong. It's actually men being men that threatens and has threatened and, in all likelihood, will continue to threaten our existence.

Your next point, about the "feminization of America" turning men into wusses who can't "be men" is also incorrect. One only has to look at the alarming statistics regarding rape, murder, assault, robbery, vandalism, torture, and even littering to see that men are definitely "being men", and often at a great cost to women.

In this "men being men" America that you seem to want, nuns are raped and strangled with their own rosary beads, pregnant women are murdered by their husbands and thrown in the ocean, three year old girls are abducted from their own front yards, raped, killed, and left in drainage ditches. Brutality is glorified and financially rewarded. Professional sports such as boxing and football rake in billions and sensitivity is kicked to the curb. Teachers (a female-dominated profession) live in housing projects, not mansions. Social workers (also a female-dominated profession) get buried in an avalanche of paperwork, not paychecks.

You're wrong, Bill, America has not been feminized. Its women have been marginalized, and for too long. Now that some of our "feminine" values, such as cooperation, non-violent resolution of conflict, and nurturing of spirit are finally coming into play, of course it's going to make some people nervous. I'm surprised that you are one of them, Bill. Who wouldn't want an America that cooperates instead of litigates, that solves problems with conversations instead of weapons?

If some big bad comes over to threaten our country, that cavewoman protecting her young will come to the fore and we'll do what we have to, even if it means physical retaliation. Then, once the wounds are licked, we can sit down and discuss what caused that country or faction or whatever to attack us and explore ways to work together instead of against each other. We can still disagree, but why do we have to do it the "men being men" way? We've tried that already, and I can't believe that you are really that pleased with the results.

Yes, "political correctness" has been taken too far at times. However, I think that's a symptom of people not feeling comfortable talking about differences without hearing a judgment inherent in it. Once we finally get that we are all in this together and that, as Americans, there is more to bind us together than to separate us, this country will "evolve" to the next level of greatness...just like, as you have alluded, many women have already begun to do. Why don't you join us?

I welcome your comments and counter-arguments.

Respectfully yours,

Angel