Keep Your Fingers Crossed! And Your Toes!

Current mood: cynical

Here's the voicemail message that was waiting for me at work today: "My son [the ED kid I wrote about last week] was working so hard on his makeup work this week that he didn't have time to write his essay. I know you said it was due no later than Friday, but I hope you will accept it on Monday."

I accepted the essay.

She called me twice today while I was teaching, crying, because her son had been pulled from regular English and put in the Special Ed class. "He worked so hard," she kept saying. You know what? I told her I'd call her back and then never did.

I am so over it.

Here's the answering machine message that was waiting for me when I got home today: "Andy here. It's about 1 p.m. Dallas time on Monday. Just calling to congratulate you as being a new homeowner. Assuming you got all your paperwork back and got it signed and notarized or whatever it is they needed you to do."

I'll believe it when I'm holding the keys in my hand.

Survey Sunday-- Warning Label

o:-) Angel may explode without warning

M EXPLOSIVE

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From Go-Quiz.com

Pshew! *Wipes Brow*

Current mood: relieved

So, quite the cliffhanger I left you all with last night, huh?

You'll be happy to know that I am, indeed, loved. Very loved. Very, very loved.

This morning, I jumped into the shower, got dressed, and cajoled Chuy out of bed. We took separate cars to Chuy's bank, where he withdrew $3,000. I sent him home and continued on this condo campaign alone. All I have to say is thank goodness that not only his bank but my credit union were both open today!

I deposited the cash into my checking account and then had the teller cut me a cashier's check made out to the title company. Then I went to the notary public with my sheaf of papers to be notarized. Did you know that notaries charge $10 per signature? I didn't. There were EIGHT places where the documents had to be notarized.

I was there for over an hour and a half. When I left, I went straight to a FedEx drop off storefront and had a copy made of my driver's license which, for some reason, the title company wanted. The instructions said to fax the documents immediately and then make a copy of them for my records before putting them in the FedEx envelope. Did you know that FedEx drop off storefronts charge $1 per fax? I didn't. As I mentioned earlier, there were well over 50 pages in that envelope. I decided that the title company could live without having documents faxed to them, seeing as how it was a SATURDAY and they would be receiving the FedEx on SUNDAY and I was already out $80 for the signatures and $330 for the bogus "points" they tacked on and they could kiss my white ass. Of course, when I called the title company to tell them I wouldn't be faxing them, I didn't exactly use those words!

Well, what's done is done and I'm relieved to have my part of it finished. I wish I could relax, but I have to tackle a mound of essays this weekend.

Minimum Day

Current mood: panicked

Today was a Minimum Day. That means the kids get to leave at 11:30, but the teachers are in meetings until 3:30. Yip. Pee. What. Fun. Actually, our principal is a pretty understanding guy and didn't schedule the meeting until 1:30. I thought I would get a couple of hours to make a dent in the stack of essays I have to correct before final semester grades are due on Tuesday. Oh, if only it were thus.

As I was eating lunch, I missed a panicked phone call on my cellphone from Dirk, the mortgage broker. As I listened to the message, I realize that he is saying I didn't give the lender any documents verifying that I have several thousand dollars in my retirement account and could I fax it immediately, etc. Well, first of all, no one ever asked me to send them that documentation. Second of all, remember that missing November statement? Since I never did find it, I decided that a smart thing to do would be to include some documents verifying that I have several thousand dollars in my retirement account (repetition intentional). How's that for prescience?! YET, EVEN THOUGH IT WAS IN THE SAME ENVELOPE AS ALL THE OTHER DOCUMENTATION, THESE GUYS COULDN'T FIGURE OUT WHAT THE FUCK IT WAS AND HAD TO CALL ME? Sheesh, who am I dealing with?

Anyway, although I called Dirk back within 15 minutes of his message, there was no answer. Since I was at work, I didn't have anyone's phone number with me. Try the Internet, I thought. Nice thought, but the main headquarters of the lending company had no record of Dirk. They had a record of Dirk's boss, Don, but all I got when I called Don was voicemail hell.

The call about the money I had in my retirement account reminded me that I hadn't received the check from the investment company. I wanted to call Wendy, my financial advisor, but didn't have her number with me, either. A search through the Internet, a call to my credit union headquarters, a transfer to my branch, a transfer to Wendy, a call to my investment company, a transfer to an account rep, an interminable amount of time on hold and, finally, A PERSON TELLING ME THAT MY CHECK WOULDN'T ARRIVE UNTIL WEDNESDAY! What the...?!??!?!? I only have $6,000. I have to come up with $8,440. In cash. Tomorrow. I'm so dead.

Meanwhile, with my classroom phone in one hand, talking to my investment company, and my cellphone in the other, dialing and redialing Dirk, I try not to implode. Halleluiah, Dirk picks up! I tell him that the retirement account statement is in the same envelope as the other documentation. Fine. Then he tells me that, due to the HOA on the condo being $50 more per month than originally stated when the loan was approved, I was going be charged an additional $330 in "points"!

Needless to say, I didn't really get much grading done. It was 1:30 before I knew it. I spent the entire meeting looking anxiously at my cellphone, daring it to ring with more bad news.

Once the meeting was over, I lugged my bulging briefcase home and then promptly ignored it while I watched Ellen and Oprah. Then Realtor Andy called. "Did you get the papers?" he asked. "Yeah, got 'em right here," I smoothly replied, quickly grabbing the thick FedEx envelope that I had been ignoring for the past hour off the coffee table. "Any questions?" queried Andy. "No, no, I think it's all pretty straightforward," I responded.

Later on, I opened the envelope. Gawd help me! There are about 50 pages of legal documents in there! Several of which have to be notarized! Today is Friday! It's 5:30 p.m.! How am I going to get these papers signed, notarized, faxed, copied, and enclose a cashier's check for money I do not have on a SATURDAY? I fuckin' suck!

I called my credit card company to see if I can get a "balance transfer". Sure, they said. It will take five business days. Shit! Shit! Shit! The nice woman at the credit card company hears the desperation in my voice and offers "You could always go to any bank and get a cash advance. You'd pay a 4 percent penalty, though."

I truly don't know what to do. I have the money. It just won't be there by tomorrow. Wanna know the REALLY ironic thing? I get paid on Monday. I am so screwed. I'm waiting for Chuy to come home. I am hoping that he loves me a LOT because I think I am about to ask him for a $3,000 loan to buy something that he thinks I am crazy to buy. Maybe I am crazy. I certainly feel like I'm going crazy!

End of the Semester Blues

Current mood: grumpy

For those of you who have been following along, you'll be glad to know that the kid showed up all four days. Yes, his mother tried to get me to give her son even more time to turn in his work (can you believe?!), claiming her printer ran out of ink. I said no and, miraculously, she showed up with his work in hand today at 3:15 p.m, as agreed. It's been quite the week but, in the end, I think the student and I have reached an understanding of sorts. BTW, she had to tell the little cherub to say thank you to me.

I still haven't heard from the mortgage lender whether my escrow is going through or not. I do know that the title company cashed my $1,000 "earnest money" check. I'm taking that as a good sign.

So, today, I finished giving the District-mandated End of Semester Exam. The testing window closes tomorrow (Friday). Ernie told us specifically, per his boss, that all testing must be completed by then. This includes any makeup testing. Of course, I have to be the one who gets an e-mail from a parent telling me that her son is "sick" and can he take the final next week? I e-mail her back telling her about the District testing window, etc. I also tell her that since her son has a D- in the class, missing the final would most assuredly cause him to fail at the semester.

So what does she do then??? Instead of e-mailing me back to ask if there is anything we can do, might I be able to find out if exceptions can be made, etc., the woman calls the Head Counselor and claims that I'm refusing to let her little darling take the final! Whereupon the counselor gets so worked up that she walks halfway across campus to ask me about it (instead of simply picking up the phone and calling me). Thank goodness I have a good reputation at the school, because if it's anything that people in the main office hate, it's fielding angry parent phone calls. They will find ways to fuck with you if you cause them any extra work. Ask any teacher and they will tell you the same.

This is also the time of year when students will out and out lie about why they are getting the grade they receive. "What am I missing"'s and "I didn't know what I'm supposed to do"'s and "I have to get a good grade so I can play sports"'s abound. I am so generous and so flexible it's pathetic, really. I allow my students to redo any assignment that they got a D or an F on, and let them rewrite D and F essays to earn up to a C-. Can you imagine how much extra work that causes me?

I honestly wonder how it is that people still continually blame teachers when a kid doesn't do well. The truth is, high school is hard work. Level up, kids, LEVEL UP! If I provide you with a rubric that tells you exactly how you will be graded on an essay...hey, I don't know, maybe you should FOLLOW IT! If I say that the minimum length requirement in order to be considered for grading is 750 words, don't turn in 700 and act surprised when I give it back to you unread. If I say that the absolutely last day I can accept an essay is the day before you decided to turn it in, don't be surprised when I give you no points for it. I mean, really! It's not like you don't know how to count or read a calendar!

Hmmm...I guess I just had a little rant right there!

Senior Year of High School

Current mood: nostalgic

SENIOR YEAR OF HIGH SCHOOL...

What year was it?
1981-1982. The beginning of the Reagan years. *wretch*gag*

What were your favorite bands?
It was all about the ska/mods. The Specials. The Selecter. Madness. Bad Manners. The (English) Beat. The (Quadrophenia-era) Who. Check out a movie called "Dance Craze" for an idea of my musical taste back then. They showed it at midnight at the Marina Pacifica theatre. I guess now the movement is referred to as "second wave ska", but we didn't know it at the time.

It was about The Pretenders (in concert, Valentine's Day). It was most definitely about The Clash (in concert, the night after graduation). And the outlandish Oingo Boingo (I've seen them play several times, but don't remember exact dates or years). But The Jam was my absolute favorite.

What was your favorite outfit?
At the beginning of the school year, it was a Ralph Lauren Polo shirt and straight, khaki trouser skirt. After Christmas break, when I got back from a visit to San Diego (birthplace of the aforementioned Ska/Mod revival/movement/wave), it was a white miniskirt, white go-go boots, and weird leopard-print sweater-jacket thing. Also, anything blackandwhite was aces.

What was up with your hair?
For the Pretenders concert, my friend Lisa and I died our hair with food coloring. Lisa, a towheaded blonde, used red dye, which turned pink. She got grounded. I, a "dirty blonde", used blue dye, which turned green. I got a haircut. A short one.

Who were your best friends?
Katie Bridges, Allison Warner, Lisa McKim. I can proudly say I'm still good friends with two of those three (Love ya Ali and Katie...Lisa, where are you?).

What did you do after school?
I went to work. Boy, did I work! Frying tacos at Jack-in-the-Box, hostessing at Park Pantry, getting hit on by 40-year-olds while working at Winchells, making beansprout sandwiches and squeezing carrot juice at the Naturway health food store.

Where did you work?
I think I just covered that in the question above!

Did you take the bus?
No, most of the time I walked. Sometimes a guy would decide he liked me and walk me home. I took the bus to Park Pantry, though.

Who did you have a crush on?
OMG! Pretty much every closeted gay guy in my class! I sure knew how to pick 'em. Oh, I also really liked the Big Punk On Campus, Bill, who didn't know I was alive.

Did you fight with your parents?
Often. In fact, I got kicked out of the house when I was 17.

Who did you have a CELEBRITY crush on?
Adam Ant of Adam and the Ants! Dave Wakeling of The English Beat! Paul Weller of The Jam!

Did you smoke cigarettes?
YES! Clove cigarettes. They were the height of fashion in the early '80s.

Did you have a "clique"?
No, at least I don't think so. I wasn't the type to hang out with just one kind of person. I flowed between several groups...everywhere and nowhere, ya know? Just trying to find my identity.

Did you have "The Max" like Zach, Kelly, and Slater?
Huh? I know who Zach, Kelly, and Slater are, but have no idea who or what "The Max" is. I only watched a couple of episodes of "Saved by the Bell" (and found it nauseating). This survey must've been written by someone much younger than I am!

Admit it, were you popular?
Hell no! I was several echelons below popular. I remember one of the popular kids called me a "freak rocker" (referring to my being a punk rocker). He was an asshole. You were an ASSHOLE, Dan Larson!

Who did you want to be just like?
Judy, who looked like a model and sat in my English class. Lisa McKim and I studied her every outfit, haircut, and move.

What did you want to be when you grew up?
A writer. Instead, I became an English teacher. Not a big stretch.

Where did you think you'd be at the age you are now?
I thought I'd be the intentionally single mother of a Quinn Cummings-cute ten- year-old girl. Turns out I can't have children. Tragic. I think I'll go to bed now.

Countdown to Condo

Current mood: determined

The student showed up again today for his detention. Two days down, two more to go. Can he do it? Can I? His mom and I talked on the phone for half an hour tonight after I got home. Yes, I make "house calls", too. She seemed to be really grateful that I was being so flexible and understanding with her son. That makes such a big difference! The more I know I'm appreciated, the more it makes me want to bend over backwards to help. I wish that more students (and parents) knew that teachers are not the enemy. I don't know of many teachers who could last in this profession and not like kids.

Oh, speaking of kids! Check it, I was entering the school building when I noticed that a student was wearing a long, white do-rag. Do-rags are not even allowed on campus, let alone on someone's head. I explained this quite civilly to the offending student, whereupon he told me, "Get to class!" HE told ME to get to class! Can ya believe it?! So, I explained that I was going to go into another teacher's classroom and call security, which I did. When I went back out to tell the student, he had gone.

Later on that afternoon, I saw one of my former students walking down the hall with the boy. I asked, "Who is he?" My former student told me the kid's first name. But when I tried looking him up in the system, he wasn't listed. Did I get the wrong info? Did I just spell the name wrong? Hmmmm...the case is definitely not closed! I'm determined to find out who he is and teach him some manners.

I made a much-needed mani/pedi appointment yesterday for 4:00 today but I remembered it at FOUR-THIRTY! Rats! Sheepishly had to call them up and explain. I rescheduled it for tomorrow. My toenails are Howard-Hugheseque! Ewww!

Why was I running so late? Well, other than the aforementioned afterschool detention, I had to FedEx the escrow paperwork today (missing bank statement be damned). I should find out tomorrow if it's a no-go or I'm going condo.

Too Much to Do!

Current mood: crazy

Okay, so I'm remembering this stand up comic who was talking about how once he got famous, he lost his edge with the homies. Jokes like "Man, ain't going through escrow a BITCH?!" were not exactly reaching his hiphop-brotha demographic.

I feel a little bit the same way. I would love for you all to understand and feel sorry for me (but I truthfully don't expect it) when I say...Kids, ain't going through escrow a BITCH?!

Don't you think that someone could have told me I'd need to send the mortgage lender a copy of my Social Security card? Who knows where the hell that is? I sure don't. For all I know, one of the cleaning ladies took off with it and gave it to her cousin Juan as a Christmas gift.

Oh, and they need my November and December bank statements. Check it, I found EVERY SINGLE MONTH EXCEPT NOVEMBER. That's right, after ransacking my apartment for hours, I found every single one except one of the ones I needed (yeah, that little repetition was intentional). And they asked for my 2002 and 2003 W-2s. Were we supposed to keep those? Hehe. Just kidding on that one! I actually had them.

Anyway, due to the bank statement snafu, this deal may or may not close. Let's just say that, when my realtor called me today to ask how things were going, I didn't mention any of the above.

In addition to the closing on the condo, I am very busy at work. It's the end of the semester. This is the time of year when desperate students start concocting desperate plans to raise their grade. It's crazy-making, that's what it is. Sometimes I have to field parent phone calls asking for a "list of missing work and a description of each assignment", sometimes I have mini-mountains of "make up work" that I was too soft-hearted not to accept.

Right now, I have a student who owes me hours of detention and is missing or has failed 17 assignments. He's Emotionally Disturbed, so I've cut him probably more leeway than at any time in my 12 year teaching career. Starting today, he is to come for an hour after school to do his detention. This means, unfortunately, that I, too, have detention. Know what I mean? Anyway, if he shows up for detention all this week, I will accept his makeup work. One slip, and hello summer school! He came today and it went pretty well, so we'll see.

I still have plenty of papers to grade, and will have a mountain more tomorrow when the kids' Persuasive Essays come in. See how tired I am? I ended a sentence with a preposition!

Survey Sunday-- Sign, Sign, Everywhere a Sign

Angel 0:-) Highway Midlife Crisisville 6 Mt. Fabulous 22 Nordstrom City 36 MovieWorld 131 Airport to Anywhere 530 Please Drive Carefully

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Where are you on the highway of life?

From Go-Quiz.com

Pancakes for Breakfast

Current mood: bored

This morning, I decided I wanted pancakes for breakfast. Hmmm...wonder where I got that idea from? Oh, I know! Jessica Simpson made them for hubby Nick in one of last night's Nick and Jessica: Newlyweds episodes.

Anyway, in quasi-Jess-like fashion, I didn't realize that the eggs in the fridge had expired until after I had added the milk to the Bisquick. Waaaah! There was no way that I was going to put two-week old eggs in my batter, but I didn't want to throw it away, either. Chuy to the rescue. He dropped what he was doing, and rushed out to the grocery store. Not only did he get the eggs, but he came back with food for lunch, too. My hero! Later on, I gave him the two pancakes that I didn't manage to burn.

I haven't done much today. Just watched TV (Love is in the Heir...poor Princess Ann-Claire) and read and caught up on e-mail. I'm such a slug. I really miss Erika! She and I and Amber would get together every other Saturday and go do something. Without her, I have no one to play with. I wonder if Amber is back from Israel yet?

Too Pooped to Post...Much

Current mood: tired

Ugh! I stayed waaaaaay too late at work tonight, trying to make up for leaving "early" to go to physical therapy this week. Walking down the hallway, I was surprised to see that I was not the only one who has no social life. The teacher colleague of mine who was having all the trouble with her students was there, too, just locking up. She and I stood there for a few minutes and talked and I found out that our principal had called in her entire department that afternoon and told them that they need to chill out. That's great! I'm very happy for her and hope that she will feel better about working here.

Tonight, I was so tired that I just ate leftovers, watched Ellen, Oprah, Joan of Arcadia, What Not to Wear, and then channel surfed until I came upon a Nick and Jessica: Newlyweds marathon on MTV. There were a ton of episodes that I hadn't seen from Season Two, so I pretty much stayed glued to the tube all evening.

Chuy should be home soon. *dreamy sigh* Every time I look at that armchair, I keep having tingly little flashbacks. I can't wait till we "baptize" the new couch!

City of (oh, oh, oh, yeah, oh my) God

Current mood: horny

Today I had my students write their Persuasive Essays in class instead of at home. They can type the essays on Tuesday in the Computer Lab, turn them in, and be finished in days, not weeks. I'm anxious to get this unit overwith and go on to teaching LITERATURE, like a true high school English class should be.

I had physical therapy again this afternoon. It might be my last session for a while because I was only approved for six visits. I'll have to see the doctor to find out if I will be able to keep going. Honestly, I don't think it's helping, but I'm not sure if I can expect to see results so soon. I know I like the massage afterward, though!

I was ravenous when I got home and ate the pork chops, tomatoes, and potato that Chuy cooked for me. After dinner, we "baptized" our new leather armchair. If you don't know what I mean by that, I'm not telling!

Then we watched a movie called City of God that one of my students lent me. It was pretty violent and depressing and, what's worse, it was based on true events. Sad.

I can't believe how fast this week has been! It's almost Friday!

Young Hearts Run Free...from Polar Bears??

Current mood: curious

OMG! I can't believe how exciting Lost was tonight! When Michael got hit by that car, I screamed, "Oh my God! Oh my God!" *blush* Good thing my roommate was talking away on the phone in his room and didn't hear me (although my upstairs neighbors might have!).

So, what's with the polar bear being in the Spanish-language comic book that Walt was reading (Michael later threw it into the campfire and burned it) and then a polar bear showing up to threaten Walt? I know the polar bear already made its debut earlier in the series. I just don't get the comic book connection.

Harold Perrineau, the actor who plays Michael, was also in Baz Luhrmann's Romeo+Juliet. He was the BEST Mercutio...the scene where he sings and dances "Young Hearts Run Free" ("never be hung up, hung up like my man and me") at the top of the stairs, in white-Afro drag...disturbingly sexy!

I had physical therapy today, and will again tomorrow. The physical therapists are pretty kewl and I enjoy talking to them. I just really hate doing exercises. So boring!

Testing, Testing, 1-2-3

Current mood: discontent

Today my school principal unveiled the ninth- and tenth-grade final exams for English to several of the other teachers. Imagine, if you will, a fracas very much in the same vein as the boardroom showdown scenes from The Apprentice. Except with badly dressed, stressed out, demoralized teachers instead of potential Donald Trumps. Not surprisingly, there were a host of complaints about the test. The reading selections are too hard, the essays have to be graded too quickly, we were not consulted during the test-writing process, etc.

It was all deja vu to me, because I had brought up these same exact concerns to my principal a couple of weeks ago. All to no avail. Whether we like it or not, whether it is fair to our students or not, whether it is fair to the teachers or not, the test will be used during finals week, we will have to grade every essay ourselves, and the results will be sent to the District where we, the teachers, will be judged (and most likely be found wanting).

I feel very lucky that the principal came to me before Winter Break with a copy of the ninth-grade test and asked me to tell him what I thought. I was part of the process, an insider. Even more importantly, I think my credibility went up when I astutely pointed out the drawbacks of the exam weeks before my colleagues did. At the end of the meeting, he thanked me and another teacher for being there to support him and said without us he would have been dealing with "a sinking ship". This could come in handy if I decide to leave the school district; I may be able to wrangle a nice letter of recommendation from him.

Pajama Day

Current mood: lazy

I love spending the day in my pajamas...well, normally I do. Today was not a typical "pajama day", though, because I had a bunch of papers to grade. Blech! That'll ruin any day, let alone a pajama day. I should have done my work yesterday, but I was trying to make a dent in all the catalogs and laundry I have piled up. It's amazing that, despite the truth, people seem to think I'm really organized. Oh no I'm not! I just fake it. Okay, I fake it really well! But it's fake nonetheless. I'm more like a wanna-be organized person.

Something that's really throwing me is that I haven't gotten a new planner for this year. Over half of January is gone and I still haven't bought a 2005 agenda yet. Makes it hard to keep track of physical therapy appointments, social engagements, etc. It's been on my To Do list for a few weeks now. I usually order mine from Lillian Vernon. This year, they changed the styling of the planner. I hate when they do that. I like it to look just the same. Kind of comforting in its familiarity.

One horrible year I procrastinated so long that Lillian Vernon sold out of them and I had to buy a Franklin Covey planner from Target. That was tragic at first, but I got used to using the Covey format eventually. Still, I was very relieved when the year was over and I could go back to the Lillian Vernon version.

Of course, I have kept every single planner that I've had, dating back to 1999. They're in a pile...um...somewhere! My rationale is that if I become famous one day, these could form the basis for my memoirs (or at least a really juicy, Kitty Kelly-style biography)! Hey, so could this blog! Yikes! I'd better go start having a more interesting life or the volume will be mighty slim!

Survey Sunday-- Easier Than Getting My Masters

The University of Blogging Presents to o:-)Angel An Honorary Bachelor of Non Sequiturs Majoring in Boredom Signed Dr. GoQuiz.com ®

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Blogging Degree
From Go-Quiz.com

Are You Reading My Blogs?

Current mood: contemplative

So, I noticed that this week my blogs were viewed 29 times. Does that mean that one person is, stalker-like, obsessively reading and re-reading? Is it 29 people reading my blogs a single time? Or some combination thereof?

As a person who, not so long ago, aspired to be a writer, it's very gratifying to know that I have a "readership". Yet, it's also a bit strange knowing that people are privy to my thoughts, rants, and mundane rehashes of the day. Kind of like when your kid sister gets hold of your diary. But at least your sister teases you and quotes you and waves your purloined pink-leather-covered notebook in your face, her gleeful prancing around your bedroom a testament to the power of your words. All I get now is a numeric tally.

Despite the lack of feedback I've received, one undeniable upside of knowing that people are reading what I write is that it motivates me to make daily entries. I tried to start blogging about a year ago, but just couldn't get into it. It felt so empty...like shouting into space. Now, I'm shouting into MySpace and this has changed my attitude. I look forward to writing it because I am convinced that there's someone out there who looks forward to reading it.

I dedicate this blog to you, my unknown readers. Thanks for being interested in my little life.

Teachers Suck 727,000 Times

Current mood: cranky

Today one of my friends sent me an e-mail telling me she is thinking about becoming a teacher and did I have any advice for her, etc., etc. This is not the first time I've been approached by a young, intelligent, talented woman and asked, "What do you think about me becoming a teacher?" At first, I used to tell them what I thought. How demoralized we are. How being blamed for everything wrong with society gets old fast. How being an inner-city junior high school teacher, a job I held for eight years, was once considered the number two most stressful job in the U.S. (second only to inner-city police officer). In other words, that being a teacher sucks.

However, when I glimpsed the shocked look on their faces, I realized that perhaps truth wasn't the way to go. See, people don't really want to hear about how much it sucks to be a teacher. They want to hear about how "noble" and "rewarding" it is. Well, it can be. Sometimes. But not most of the time. Not even if you're a good teacher. Not even if you're a great teacher.

I gave this friend of mine encouragement to follow her dream if, in fact, teaching is her dream. I told her that I wish her all the best and welcome her to my profession with open arms. But, out of love and respect for this young lady, I didn't want to lead her down the primrose path, either. Lying is not in my nature. I am almost Cassandra-like in my desire to speak the truth, set the record straight, right the wrong impression, etc. So, I gave her examples (At my high school, each teacher was given $20 to buy supplies this year and told we could only make 1,000 copies.). Statistics (According to the U.S. Public Health Service, 1 in every 20 teachers is assaulted.). Facts (The National Education Association found that, when compared with workers in 16 professions requiring similar skills, teachers earned 14.2 percent less.). But maybe I could have saved us both a lot of time and simply told her to go on Yahoo! and do a search for "teachers suck". It got 727,000 hits.

Offer Accepted!

Current mood: excited

My offer on the Dallas condo has been accepted. Escrow has begun and, if all goes well, the deal closes at the end of the month! Woot! I'm excited, but trying not to count my chickens, ya know? On the other hand, my mother is already asking me if she could live in it until June! That's not just counting the chickens, that's opening a whole freakin' KFC! Had physical therapy today. Still a bit sore, so I think I'll curtail my keyboarding this evening. One of my students lent me A Man Named Dave by Dave Pelzer. I've got sooooooooooo many books to read now, I think I'll go crack one open now. 'Night!

Survey Sunday-- Survey

Current mood: happy

1. Name the 5 colors that you like the most:


royal purple, apple green, bubblegum pink, lipstick red, soft white

2. What do you treasure in your wallet?


A picture of Chuy and me, both of us looking very serious and so young!

3. Are you pierced?


Just the usual ear piercing

4. Who is the person you always want to spend time with?


Chuy, of course! But that's kind of a "gimme". I always have a good time with Erika (but I can't say that I ALWAYS want to spend time with her...that would be kinda SWF-ish).

5. What are you wearing today?


A long silk skirt and navy cotton twinset

6. What are the names of your exes?


Too many to name. The most significant is Paul. For a long time he was on the "exemption list," no matter who else I might be dating...ladies, know what I mean by that one?

7. What fruits you usually crave?


Summer fruits, like nectarines or plums. Worst part is, by the time I get them home from the store, my craving is usually over and they end up in the trash a few days later.

8. What veggies that you don't eat?


Onions (give me a stomachache), raw celery (don't like the taste), cucumbers (they "repeat" on me but, curiously, I really like pickles), red cabbage (don't like the taste)

9. What was your last drink?


Water.

10. What are your favorite hangouts?


In front of the computer! My newly redecorated living room!

11. What is your wish for your next birthday?


Not to have one...but, if I am forced to still be alive for yet another year, I'd like to spend my birthday in Paris!

12. What's on your bedside table?


Lamp, clock radio, bottle of multivitamins, bottle of calcium supplements, candle, glass of water. I usually have a fat stack of books nearby.

13. What's the geekiest part of your music collection?


Barry Manilow (on vinyl)

14. What do you eat/drink when you raid your fridge at night?


I usually want something sweet, so I'll have ice cream or a dark chocolate Dove candy (or two). I'm trying not to eat after 8:30 p.m., though, and trying to substitute yogurt for ice cream (I have osteoporosis and need lots of calcium).

15. What is your secret guaranteed weeping film?


Somewhere in Time

16. Do you have a completely irrational fear?


That's affirmative! I have a fear of marriage (but, if you knew my family history, you might agree that my fear is not altogether that irrational!!) I also really, really loathe clowns...especially midget clowns...especially midget clowns with sharp teeth. Ever see Insane Clown Posse? Or "It"? Or that commercial for some horrible video game whose name I've forgotten but can't get the image they used of midget clowns with teeth out of my head?

17. Do you ever have to beg?


No. Beg for what, I wonder? I cajole, I convince, I boss around, but I don't beg.

18. Who should play you in a movie about your life?


Sandra Bullock (we're the same age but she's cuter)

19. What do you miss most about being little?


I had a pretty crappy childhood. I don't miss much about it.

20. Are you happy with your given name?


I suppose so, except that I'm currently an atheist and my name means "Messenger of God". What I like most about it is that it's pretty international; "Angel" translates well to other languages.

21. Have you ever been in a school play?


Yes, I played a frigid old woman who snored in a one act play called The Street of Good Friends. Here's my acting history: In junior high, I was (of course) the angel in our church Christmas pageant. I also acted in a professional production of 110 in the Shade. I arranged for myself, my sister, and brother to audition and we all got parts as "the children". In high school, I took two years of drama. Also, I acted in a youth theatre production of David and Lisa. I played a nymphomaniac. A frigid old woman and a teenage nympho within a year of each other? Now THAT'S ACTING, my friends. (Interesting side note: I ended up becoming a junior high school drama teacher for two HORRIBLE years.)

22. Have you ever been in love?


YES! YES! YES! Still am.

23. Do you like yourself and believe in yourself?


That's the toughest question so far. I do get a kick out myself sometimes...but the fact that I get hurt far too easily tells me that I still have a rather shaky foundation of self-worth. However, since I turned 40, I'm much more "If you don't think I'm the shit, what the hell is wrong with you?"

24. Do you think you're cute?


I've been told many, many times that I'm cute. This is so strange to me, because I'm five foot ten and hardly qualify for "cuteness". Nevertheless, that's the comment I receive. I also get "beautiful" or "attractive" or "sexy". I anticipate that, as I continue to age, I'll get more "sexy" and less "cute". Two of the nicest comments I ever overheard about my beauty: 1) "She's pretty," said by an old Mexican woman to her friend as I boarded a rickety bus in Veracruz. 2) "I'd like to wrap myself around her like a pretzel," said by a middle-aged married man (ask me how I found that out!) to the bartender when I entered a hotel bar in Houston.

25. Do you consider yourself a nice person?


I can be extremely nice. I think it stems from my wanting to be liked. It also comes from a sincere desire to make the world more pleasant for all and to treat others how I wish that they would treat me. However, if you hurt me or insult me, I am absolutely, completely, and totally capable of flipping the Bitch Switch, in which case you need to get out of my immediate vicinity RIGHT NOW. I carry a grudge FOREVER and have 40 years of (pretty much) pent-up aggression that wants ever so much for you to provide me with an excuse to set it free.

Dealmaker or Dealbreaker?

Current mood: anxious

*pretending to sound like Brad Pitt in that Diane Sawyer interview*:

"God. I'm gonna say it: Condos. I'm thinking condos. I've got real estate on my mind"

Andy called today to say that the sellers of the condo are asking to pay only $2500 in closing costs instead of the $3500 that we had written in our offer. This means if I accept their counteroffer, I have to come up with an extra thou! I could do it, but I'm pretty strapped coming up with the down payment of $8200 as it is. Grrrrr! Andy says he'll try to negotiate with them and will send me new contracts tomorrow. Keep your fingers crossed!

Regarding my work dilemma: I met with the teacher today and we ended up talking the whole period instead of her going through my file cabinets. Maybe that was more productive? She gave me an update on the situation with her students and it seems like it's going better. The problem with the student who yelled "I hope you get fired!" was a misunderstanding (or misrepresentation) on the part of the student and there was an adult witness to the incident who will verify the teacher's side. Excellent. If she wants to stay here and fight for her job, more power to her. I just wish it weren't so MUCH of a fight. I told her once again that she needed to get out of her classroom more often and mingle with the rest of us in order for people to start getting to know the real her and not believe the rumors and she finally seemed to get my point.

I had another physical therapy appointment today. I hate doing the exercises. Boring! I do them so fast that I practically get aerobic, just so I can get 'em overwith. The part I'm in it for is the massage beforehand and the lights-out electrotherapy afterward. This time the therapist didn't turn up the juice so hard and it was much more relaxing (plus I didn't get any cellphone calls to interrupt me or have any Starbucks Gingerbread Lattes corroding my digestive tract).

I kept thinking about how Erika was doing today. It was her first day of classes. Hope she felt good about how it went.

Gettin' in While the Gettin's Good

Current mood: hopeful

Hey there, Blog!

I remember last week that I wasn't able to get on the computer until well after 10:00 p.m. due to my roommate's gabfest, so I thought I'd pop in early to say hi!

I don't think I told you this, but last week I had a conversation with a colleague who is having considerable trouble at work. Basically, her students taunt her, her colleagues yell at her and lie about her behind her back, and I overheard that the administration is trying to find a reason to get rid of her. This poor woman has been through hell and, from what I can see, really doesn't deserve it. She's even been out ill (probably due in no small part to the enormous stress she is under) for several weeks.

I was in a (slightly) similar situation a few years back and remember how I felt then. I would have given anything to have someone to talk to who believed me and was on my side and, above all, would tell me the truth about what was going on. So, I felt that I should be that person for her, hence our little chat.

It's hard to tell someone that it's just not working out when you're trying to be diplomatic about it. I pointed out to her how unhappy she seemed and alluded to the kinds of things that were being said about her. True, she's not completely innocent in all this. I told her months ago (when I first started hearing negative comments about her from her colleagues in her own department) that she needed to venture forth from her classroom once in a while and get to know some of the staff. She didn't take my advice and is now in an almost unsalvageable position. Even our veteran teachers (who should know better, actually) believe the negative buzz about this woman.

I also told her months ago, when she confided in me that her students were making loud and frequent anti-Semitic comments about her, that she should do something about it immediately. At the very least, I advised that she seek the guidance of our union rep...if only because he's a veteran teacher who knows lots of ins and outs and "legal ramificiations", etc. The situation has only gotten worse as time has gone on and her students are, frankly, past the point of no return. It's doubtful she'll be able to win them over with almost half the year gone. Later that afternoon, I heard one of them yelling at her in the hallway, "I hope you get fired!"

In the course of my conversation with the teacher, point by point, I made a case that perhaps she would be happier somewhere else. I honestly had the best of intentions. I even assured her that I would still help her with curriculum, be supportive, etc., no matter what she decided. But I somehow managed to put my foot in it (yet again...what else is new?) and it seems that she interpreted what I was saying to mean that I was not someone she could trust anymore. How did I manage to fuck it up so badly? Just talented, I guess.

Anyway, I found out from a colleague of mine that she had approached him today for curriculum ideas and mentioned something to effect that I WAS TRYING TO GET HER TO GO TO ANOTHER SCHOOL...as if that was just the height of rudeness (my phrase, not his). Gosh, I felt bad about that. I mean, I am trying to get her to go to another school, but only because she is so unhappy at this one! But then he also told me that he had dealt with her before and had noticed that she had a tendency to "see things differently" (his phrase, not mine) and he had learned just to steer clear of her.

This made me feel only marginally better and I sought out the counsel of our (one remaining) Life Skills teacher, whose judgment I really trust. I told her I thought I might owe this woman an apology. She suggested I write down my feelings, pros, cons, etc. Good advice!

However, before I even got to the point of writing all this down, I had a brainstorm. How could I let the teacher know that I was still willing to support her and help her without letting her know that I had heard she was implying that I wasn't supporting her? I remembered that my master teacher, many years ago, had allowed me to come back to his room one afternoon and basically pillage his file cabinets for curriculum ideas. He said I could take a copy of whatever he had more than one of. It was a very gracious gesture that I never forgot. Bingo!

Immediately after school, I went to the teacher's room. "I have an idea," I told her, and explained what I just described above. She responded enthusiastically to the idea and we made a "date" for tomorrow.

Disaster averted (or at least assuaged)? Time will tell!

Survey Sunday-- What Color is Your Passion?

Your Passion is Purple! You've got a ton of passion, but you don't always wear it on your sleeve. If something truly excites you, you let your inner intensity shine through. But otherwise, your passion tends to morph into energy ... which you never lack. You're a balanced woman, knowing when to turn on the fire in your heart. What Color is Your Passion? Take This Quiz :-)

Recent Reads

Current mood: mellow

First thing this morning, I went to Office Depot to buy printer ink and fax my real estate contracts to Andy. Then Mom came over and we ran errands and had lunch at Denny's.

After she and I went our separate ways, I got some long-overdue routine maintenance done on my Jeep. Chuy told me to go to EZ Lube, because Luis works there. We've known Luis and his sister, Daicy, since they were children. Their uncle is a notorious drug dealer and Luis was an addict for a few years. He seemed clean when I saw him today, but I didn't want to embarrass him by asking him about it.

I realized that I haven't talked about the books I've read lately, so I thought I'd take the opportunity now.

I recently finished The A-List by Zoey Dean that a student lent me. I really enjoyed this book - neglected everything all day in favor of Anne, Cam, Sam, and Ben. I've already gone to Amazon.com to see if there are any sequels. There are five volumes already! Woot! This series is my new guilty pleasure and I've already started going around to random teenagers and recommending they read it. I told Erika that she could easily have written this series, what with its mentioning Prada this and Gucci that every other page and the high school setting. She was working on this great book that she shared with us in writing group that would fit in perfectly with the audience who reads this type of sudsy stuff (um....such as myself!).

I'm also going through a bunch of books that Erika lent me. The Cinderella Rules was fluffy, if poorly written, fun but I think I would like its sequel Dear Prince Charming better. Evidently Erika is a big Janet Evanovich fan, because she handed me about five Stephanie Plum novels (One for the Money, Two for the Dough, Three to Get Deadly, Four to Score, and High Five). Deception Point, by Dan Brown is next up, but I find myself preferring to read Mereille Guiliano's French Women Don't Get Fat. Because of my illness and other reasons, I lost about 20 pounds but I can see that they are creeping back on and I'm trying to find a way of eating that I can live with, ya know? American-style eating of huge portions of sub-standard food is no longer adequate. Today's breakfast was a donut and coffee, lunch was a Denny's Grand Slam (two pancakes, two eggs, two sausages, two slices of bacon) and coffee, and dinner was another donut. See anything wrong here?!

Arctic Thunder

Current mood: drunk

Andy, my realtor, called me on my cellphone while I was at work today. As the kids looked on, he asked me why I hadn't filled out the contracts yet. Frankly, although I had received them yesterday, I had so many other things to do that I figured I'd look at them this afternoon and maybe fill them out on Saturday, but I didn't tell this to Andy. He let me know that we are under a deadline to get the papers in and that time was of the essence.

So, I rushed home after work in the pouring rain to sign everything electronically and e-mail them back to him. Slight problem. Instead of sending me electronic signature documents like he said he would, he had e-mailed me forms to print and sign manually and then fax to him. Well, I ran out of ink in my printer and don't own a fax machine! Therefore, I would have had to drive to Office Depot (did I mention it was pouring down rain?) to buy ink, come home, print and sign the documents, drive back to Office Depot to fax them, and motor back home. This would have been bad enough, but I was exhausted and really looking forward to a "disco nap" before meeting Erika at 6:30. Faced with this dilemma, I called Andy to find out what he wanted me to do. Luckily for me, he said it would be okay to wait until Saturday. *whew*

At 4:00 p.m., I toddled off to bed, read my book (French Women Don't Get Fat) for a bit, set my alarm for 5:30 and slept until 6:15! Damn snooze button! As I hurried to make myself look presentable, my phone rang. It was Erika, saying she was just now leaving work. This bought me some desperately needed extra time, and I arrived at Dave and Buster's feeling fresh instead of frazzled.

I knew Keith and Lori would be there, but I was really excited to see Mia, this awesome woman that I met in the same poetry class where I became acquainted with Erika and Amber. She's someone whose friendship I'd like to cultivate. Mia and I talked for quite a while before she finally had to leave, but not before I told her about myspace.com and urged her to join the fun!

We waited for literally hours before our table was ready, and suffered the poor service of the lamest waiter ever, but the food was delicious. I had Jack Daniels sirloin steak with garlic mashed potatoes. Yum!

Several of Erika's boyfriend's college buddies had come down from Santa Barbara to take part in Erika's "bon voyage" (or would that be "bon universite"?) celebration and meeting "the Santa Barbara Boyz" was a highlight. One of them, Derrick, kept buying rounds of shots for the whole table. I still can't believe I made it through the night without hurling after mixing apple schnapps, tequila, grapevine, and two beers, but I felt surprisingly level-headed and managed to keep it together.

I discovered that I do much better at playing my favorite Dave and Buster's arcade game, Arctic Thunder, when I am inebriated. I kicked ass! To the point that one of my opponents commented that he couldn't believe he got beat by a girl. I love being 40 years old and still being called a girl...especially when I'm wiping the floor with you!

After an appropriate amount of sobering up time, I said my goodbyes and drove (very carefully!) home. I kept remembering that, when I told my students I was going to a party tonight, they admonished me not to drink and drive. I didn't want to disappoint them or cause harm to myself or someone else.

Chuy had already returned from work when I walked in. Slurpy kisses and hugs and ass grabs! Yay!

Long Lost "Pal"

Current mood: surprised

I had the most wonderful surprise today! I had sent a Christmas card to one of my childhood pen pals, on the off chance that she would receive it, and she not only got the card (a really cute Lulu one, I might add), but she sent me a nice e-mail in response! I would hazard a guess that Michaela and I started writing to each other when we were about 16 years old and have sporadically kept in touch over the years. She is from England and, when I was 16 and 17, I had the most alarming case of anglophilia! I was nearly rabid with desire to know everything about and everyone in England. Michaela was kind enough to give me my Brit fix and I thank her for that! BTW, she works in film...Full Metal Jacket, to name just one example.

So, do ya wanna hear some gossip? The Life Skills teacher I mentioned in an earlier post was teaching my morning classes today when her boss called me in to the office to ask me my opinion of the teacher. Apparently, this teacher has had a history of not showing up to teach classes, missing meetings, etc. I told her boss that I, of all people, could not criticize someone for having health problems and that I really liked the teacher. My only concern was that she notify me in a timely manner if she's calling in sick (instead of an hour into the school day, as she had done earlier this week).

The boss lady then went to see the Life Skills teacher and I don't know exactly what transpired, but one of my colleagues later told me that she saw the teacher, the teacher's boss, our two vice-principals, and TWO COP CARS behind the school library! I got a call the next period letting me know that the teacher had been "transported" to the hospital and would not be teaching my other morning class. What the.........???? I am dying of curiosity as to what that was all about. I'll let you know if there are any further developments!

I talked to Erika today and we nailed down plans to go to Dave and Buster's on Friday night. It's her "farewell" party, or at least it's likely to be, since she is so busy tying up loose ends before she...gulp, sniffle...leaves for USC... that she probably won't have time for another get together with just her core group of friends (such as myself, Keith, Lori, etc.).

Remember that I told you Chuy was going to take down the Christmas tree today? It's still up. Guess I'm not the only one who loves having it sparkle up our living room.

Sheesh? Where did the time go? I've got to get ready for bed. I've been staying up waaaaay too late this week. Damn, it sucks having to start work at 7:15 in the morning!

Lost

Current mood: calm

I love Lost ! In tonight's episode, we saw a little bit more of Kate's (or should I say "Maggie's") backstory. Jack showed some backbone in standing up to Sawyer, who was his usual asshole self. Rose gave some words of wisdom to Charlie. And that little princess, Shannon, proved her worth.

Okay, so enough frou-frou. Onto talking about my day. The Life Skills teacher called in sick AGAIN today, once more throwing my entire schedule out of whack. This time, I was prepared and had the kids read an article from 1999 about teachers who sue a student over his defamatory website in which he accused them of being Satan-worshippers. I'd like to follow up on that story and find out who won the trial (if it even went to trial...teachers are notorious wimps). I chose the article because it was controversial and would provide some interesting discussions. Also, I hoped it would serve as a not-so-subtle hint that my students had better not pull that shit on me or I would use their family fortune to help pay for my condominium! Heheheh.

Speaking of my condominium, I mailed a $1,000 "earnest money" check to Andy today. This gets the ball rolling in terms of being able to make an offer on the property. I also phoned Dirk, the mortgage lender. He is not too happy with his current underwriter and will more than likely find someone who can be a little more flexible in terms of getting me a better loan. We'll see how it rolls out.

I still haven't officially cancelled my France trip. Guess I'm waiting just a tiny bit longer to see if this deal goes through. If it doesn't, then I'm taking it as a sign that I was meant to go to the land of 365 kinds of cheese this June.

Chuy and I went to Borders today and I bought a jazz sampler CD and a copy of The DaVinci Code for my sister. I already own the deluxe edition of the book, which I bought at Costco, but they didn't have it any more when I went back there yesterday. Thus, the trip to Borders. Since I wasn't going to be able to get it at the deeply discounted Costco price, dear Sis did not get the deluxe edition. I was hesitant to get her the deluxe edition anyway, since she is not much of a reader and I was concerned that she might find its larger format too unwieldy. Problem solved, decision made! The nice cashier even wrapped it up in giftwrap for me. Hope he took off the pricetag...

While we were at Borders, Chuy bought two books in Spanish. One is a non-fiction collection of illegal immigration accounts. The other is a translation of Stephen King's Salem's Lot. I pushed him to get the Spanish translation of The DaVinci Code, but he was put off by the length and wouldn't go for it.

Then we went to dinner at a Mexican restaurant called Chevy's that neither of us had tried. We won't be going there again. The food was not that good and, with all the excellent Mexican restaurants here in our city, why settle?

Tomorrow we take down the Christmas tree. That's too bad, because Chuy decorated it this year and he did a commendable job. I've plugged in the Christmas lights every night and have enjoyed the glow they cast on our newly redecorated living room. Bliss!

I'm NOT Goin' 2 France!

Current mood: satisfied...no, really, I am!

I had a faculty meeting today and some errands to run, but I still got home time to talk to Andy, my Dallas realtor. He went yesterday to check out the condo I was interested in and he came back really impressed. There were several units available and he looked at all of them, then narrowed it down to the two best candidates. The one he liked best is also, coincidentally, the exact same one I looked at when I flew out there in August. So, I'm not going to be buying a property I've never seen, which is good news.

The next hurdle is the mortgage lender. Since I'm an out-of-state buyer, the lender had told me in August that I had to put down 5% downpayment. Now, keep in mind, lenders here in California were ready to do a 100% financing scenario with me, based on my good credit and job history. Financing only 95% was not in my budget. So, I reluctantly had to postpone my real estate search. Flash forward to now, and I am in much better financial shape (i.e., I have actually managed to save a few thousand for a down payment).

However, I still don't have enough money and therein lies the reason for the cancelling of my France trip. Waaaaaaah! But I wanna go to France AND buy a condo! *sigh* Alas, I just don't have the cash. Think... think... think... condo or France... condo or France. It would certainly be very devil-may-care and "romantic" to choose France but...I'm what you would call a romantic pragmatist and an idealistic realist. Buying this property will mean security for myself in the future. It will be a nice investment that I could turn into a rental property or I could move to Dallas and live in it this year or I could just hang on to it and live in it 25 years from now when I retire.

I have to tell myself that France will always be there, but an opportunity to buy prime real estate for a song will not.

So, I'm going CONDO!

BTW, I posted a snap of my friends Erika and Amber, as well as a primo shot of my darling spouse. Enjoy!

A Bad Beginning

Current mood: aggravated

So, this year has already gotten off to a bad start. Last night, Chuy came home with a sore throat and sniffles and...guess what I got up with this morning? Not to mention that he kept waking me up during the night with his stuffy-nosed snoring. But that's not the worst part.

The worst part is that no one did any dishes yesterday and, when I walked into the kitchen, there was a big pile of 'em in the kitchen sink. Well, I usually don't have to do dishes because I have sensitive skin and the detergent makes my hands turn red. But, trying to be the good spouse since Chuy isn't feeling well, I went ahead and started doing them. Big mistake!

Just as I was washing MY FAVORITE GLASS, it slid out of my soapy hands, hit the side of the sink, broke, and gashed my right pinkie! Waaaaaaaaah! So, I have to yell to Chuy that I'm wounded and he comes in with peroxide, Bandaids, and proceeds to put hydrocortisone ointment on the wound instead of antibiotic ointment. I wiped it off before he put on the Bandaid but, damn, putting cortisone on an open wound like that...well, I hope my pinkie doesn't fall off!

*************************************************************

On a more positive note, yesterday I e-mailed my realtor in Dallas, Texas, telling him I'm pretty sure I want to move ahead with getting one of the condos I saw over there in August and asked him if it was still available. He called me back today and said, yes, several units are available in that building and he will go over there tomorrow and scope them out for me. If he can get me a good deal, I may just be a condo owner very soon!

P.S. Pinkie still attached!

New Years Resolutions

Current mood: indecisive

Dear Blog,

New Year's Day. Time to do laundry, play on the computer, and decide on my life course for the year.

I just can't decide what to do! I'm considering whether or not to buy that condo I looked at yesterday. If I do buy it, am I getting a good deal? The realtor said he'd knock off 3 percent of the $287,000 asking price (supposedly because I'm a teacher and I'm doing something to help society) but $277,700 is still an enormous amount of money to pay for something that I'm not really that excited about. Plus, there's no washer and dryer inside the unit. I'd have to schlep my clothes to the laundryroom. What's the point of owning your own home if you can't even do laundry in it?

When I went to Dallas in August 2003, I could have bought a one bedroom with washer/dryer included, in a luxury building in Turtle Creek for $167,000! I just wasn't ready. Am I now?

Damn! I hate that I'm so freakin' wishy-washy! Actually, I think I've decided. I'm not going to buy it. Damn! I'm mad at myself for that, too! What am I waiting for? I found a great condo but it was in Dallas and I wasn't ready, so I didn't get it. I found a so-so condo in my city but I'm not excited about it either, so I'm not gonna get it. What, do I need an engraved invitation?!

I even felt that way about my trip to France. I was thinking about cancelling my reservation and forgetting about it because of the money. Then I realized that I probably couldn't do better on my own...plus, I'm not as young and good-looking as I once was, so "solo" travel is not the exciting prospect that it used to be. Plus, I'm in a committed relationship now and can't just go bang some foreigner any time the mood strikes me!

I'm a little nervous about how I will hold up to the "strenuous" walking involved on the Rick Steves France trip. It was only seven months ago that I was using a walker! What if something happens to me while I'm in France and my whole, expensive trip is ruined (like in Fiji, when I injured my spine)?

Plus, I don't remember how to speak French. Two years in high school 20 some-odd years ago? French people are famous for being rude, especially Parisians. Especially if you don't speak French. I will just have to "train". I should start walking every day. In fact, I should start walking while listening to French tapes/CDs.

Okay, Blog, I think I've made some good decisions:

1) I will not buy the condo, because I don't want to buy a place where I can't do laundry inside. That means I shall have to start looking again!

2) I will walk each weekday. No promises as to how long or how far.

3) I will listen to French cassettes/CDs to learn French while I walk (and sometimes in my car).

4) I will make more attempts to write to you, dear Blog.

As ever, Angel