The Sims

Current mood: guilty

Have you ever played the Sims? Just in case you've been under a rock and aren't familiar with the game, here's an abridged definition courtesy of Wikipedia.com: "The Sims is a strategy/simulation computer game. First released in January 2000, and with over 6 million copies sold worldwide, it is heralded as the best-selling PC game in history. The Sims is sometimes described as a 'god game': a departure from most previous computer games, which tend to have a definite goal or objective. Instead, the game focuses entirely on virtual people called 'Sims', placing the player in control of a 'virtual dollhouse', controlling their daily activities such as sleeping, eating, cooking and bathing, to name a few."

The Sims was one of the reasons why I think I broke both my hips. I would play for, like, 14 hours at a time on a less than ergonomically designed chair. Okay, well, the official diagnosis is osteoporosis, but I have my suspicions.

The Sims is also one of the reasons that I ultimately had to ask my mom to move out of our apartment.

One of the worst mistakes I ever made was introducing the Sims to my mom, although I didn't know it at the time. If you've ever played the game, you know the wonder that you feel...the euphoria, the confusion, the frustration, the OBSESSION. It was natural to want to share what I was going through with someone in the real world. Plus, since all I ever did was play the game, it was natural that Mom would feel left out and want to join in.

At first it was fun. I showed Mom all the stuff I learned. I demonstrated what to do to keep the burglar from stealing the family's stereo. I explained how to prevent the house from catching fire. I announced with pride when one of my Sims reached the pinnacle of the career ladder he or she was climbing.

Then Mom became a monster. One that I created.

She would interrupt me when I was playing to ask me about this or that. She would talk about the Sims like they were real. She made extensive databases with each Sim's name and character traits. She ruined the pleasure of the game for me. She ruined the CD drive of my computer. She ruined her own life, because she never even attempted to go out anymore. She ruined any private time I could have had with Chuy because she was home EVERY GODDAMN NIGHT!

I tried to get her to stop playing. I set an example by not playing the game anymore. She kept on. I thought, oh, she'll get tired of it after a while. She didn't. Expansion packs saw to that. She even opened up an expansion pack that I had gotten for Christmas and hadn't used yet. MY present! That pissed me off. When I told her that I didn't want her to play on my computer anymore, she went in her room and loaded the game onto some old PC relic she took from her office. Well, at least she was out of the living room.

Did we have problems before the Sims came to live with us? Sure we did. But, in retrospect, I see the arrival of the Sims as, if not the beginning of the end, then at least the middle of it.

Mom moved out at the end of November. The Sims are still here. I think I'll go play with them now.